If you've talked to me in October, you've probably heard me mention Boot Camp. If you've talked to me in November, you've probably heard how a group project exploded and distracted me from Boot Camp. In December, you heard about how I'm going to start Boot Camp in January. A few weeks ago, you heard how my consult went, and heard me laugh about what I looked like on paper.
Two days ago, at about 7 in the morning, if you were a fly in the wall in my house you would have heard my mom and dad talking* about my decision to not do boot camp.
I made the decision for a few reasons, the main one being that it just doesn't fit in my life right now. That's not to say exercise and being healthy doesn't fit in my life, it just means that going to that gym literally doesn't fit. Even if I want it to. Yoga fits. Running on the treadmill fits. Running up and down my own sets of stairs fits.
Loving the path I'm on, no matter how many twists, u-turns, and full circles I make...THAT FITS!
I am deeply in love with the circles I make in my life. The obvious ones are around a healthy lifestyle. Once upon a time, I was pushing 200lbs, and then I was 150, and then 160, and then 150 again. Sometimes I detox, eat organic, eat raw. Other times I live off of cigarettes and coffee, and go right back into fruits and veg.
Do I eat healthy? Yes. Do I excercise? Yes. Do I make healthy choices? Yes.
Do I have love handles? Yup! Do I have arm fat? Yup! Do I have ass dimples, blemishes, uneven boobs, and a comically large forehead? YES!
I don't let any of this, good or bad, influence what I think about myself though. The bottom line is that I love myself unconditionally. I make bad choices, have unpleasant thoughts, but I also make great choices and think positively.
I also make circles in running as well. I will run consistently enough to build strength, endurance and lung capacity, but then maybe my knees will tell me that's enough for now and they need a break. So I stop, I won't run anymore until my knees tell me they're ready to go again.
I don't see this as failure or a setback. It's just a thing. Today I can't run, and that kind of sucks because I really wanted to, but...I can do something else! It doesn't mean that I suck balls at running.
God! Even in school! I've had GPA's ranging from 0.7 (that wasn't a typo) to 3.7! Yeah, obviously I was pissed at the 0.7 and esctatic at the 3.7 but neither of those grades mean anything about me on a personal-this-is-what-defines-me level.
Neither does the boot camp, the scale, my eating habits, my smoking habit, my running habits, my yoga class, chequing account, amount of debt, or the colour of my bed sheets. These things change. I change.
Sometimes a 0.7 GPA and purple sheets fits who I am, other days a 3.7 GPA and orange sheets fit me better.
The bottom line is that I have an unconditional love for myself, and I realize that I am perfect only in my imperfections. This is how I show up for myself, this is how I have my own back, and this is who I am!
*My parents weren't gossiping about me, and they weren't talking about boot camp like "that gurl needs to get on the treadmill, yo!" I'm lucky enough to have parents that support me in whatever twists and turns I'm taking, but since there are so many of them, they just like to keep each other updated on whatever the fuck it is that I'm doing now. Gotta keep 'em on their toes!
