Spring Cleaning

If you know my mother, or me for that matter, you know that as soon as the snow melts we're in spring cleaning mode. This means taking apart the chandeliers, hosing down window screens, and getting in all the nooks and crannies with the duster that we miss throughout the rest of the year. It's a lot of work, but we both feel so much better afterwards. Along the way, room by room, we make lists. This needs to be fixed, the ceiling needs to be painted, I need to buy this, this area needs way more attention....and all of the sudden we have our 'action plan' for the rest of the year.

It may sound silly to you, and you may be reading this thinking 'oooookay crazy lady'. But let me drop a little knowledge on ya...you do it too. Maybe not with cleaning. I think cleaning to the degree my mom and I clean is reserved for a special brand of people. But you still do it with other things. Think about the last time you stepped on the scale or saw yourself naked. I need to eat healthier, tone this, firm that. You might do it with school, or work when you get feedback. I need to reply to emails quicker, get organized.

You may not spring clean your house, and it may not be in spring....but you still spring clean.

In every area of our lives, we're hell bent on improving and making action plans to do better.

We often neglect one area, and a really important area as well. When do we ever spring clean our mental health?

It effects us so much and in so many ways! When we have poor mental health it gets it's dirty little fingers into all of our clean cupboards and leaves greasy hand-prints on the fridge just after we wiped it down. It effects our physical health, our sleep, our relationships, our environment....everything!!

Now, you may not be 'officially diagnosed' with anything, but it doesn't matter. You still  have a mind and thoughts that need to be aired out and hung on the line to dry. How often do you do that?

Let me tell you how often you should do it. Ever failed? Ever been rejected? Ever been stuck in a negative thought pattern? Those feelings after we've experienced something negative....that's like getting an emotional papercut that you need to take a look at. If you ignore it, it'll fester and you'll develop bad habits. If you ignore that, then...well...it'll just keep getting worse, ya dig?

I'm not saying that for every papercut you need to go book an appointment with a therapist. I'm saying that we, as a society, need to get better at identifying our emotional papercuts and addressing them before they start to fester. There are so many reasons to do this, but the bottom line is that it will build our emotional resiliency and allow us to become more compassionate towards ourselves.

Guy Winch does a fantastic job at explaining this: http://www.ted.com/talks/guy_winch_the_case_for_emotional_hygiene

So when you start your spring cleaning, I hope that you consider practicing some "emotional hygiene" as well. When you fail, look for positives instead of brooding on the negatives. Turn "I can't do this" into "Here's how I'll do better next time"

It'll be worth it, I promise!

Oh, hey there

It’s been awhile.

No. It’s been a long while.

I’m proud to say that the Kairee-show finally got on the road, but it’s not as lamb-like as I anticipated it to be. Nope, still lions as far as I can see.

Lots of life changes, lots of pesky ‘being an adult’ stuff. Lots of…..ikea furniture.

And hey, if you’re going to make a bunch of adult decisions, why not make ALL of them in one day? Right? Right?

For example: August 23rd.

My 25th birthday.

My last day of my ‘during-university’ job.

My last night at home before moving out onto my own (in this case that means with my ever-so-lovely boyfriend….thank god!).

Nothing like a grand entrance into the *gulp* real-world.

Yes, I write to you from the otherside, where I can’t seem to keep the house clean, work on projects in sequential order, or cook for myself. I haven’t become the do-it-yourself pintrest princess either.

But I’ve gotten better at knitting. And finding coupons. Glorious, glorious coupons.

Basically, when I turned 25, I actually turned 65 and instead of retiring I became an intern with a boyfriend 37 years younger than me. See? Either way you look at it, it’s not too bad.

However, when you and your younger-depending-on-how-you-look-at-it boyfriend both quit smoking at the same time, ‘not too bad’ transforms itself into a place where logic ceases to exist and is replaced with the kind of terror that only gigantic fanged spiders living under your bed can produce.

Maybe I’m exaggerating. Maybe.

Ok ok ok. So here’s the thang. We quit smoking on November 4th. The boy is doing better than I, but I’m doing fairly well too. But this shit is crazy. Yeaaah ok. I’m crazy.

But in a good way! Maybe.

My point is this: when I’m speaking to you, consider the perspective of someone withdrawing from nicotine. No, it’s not the worst thing imaginable, but it still sucks. Just pretend I’m muttering expletives at the end of every sentence. Seriously (asshat).

Anyway, that’s it for now (fucknut). More later, I promise (douuuuchecanoe)

Oh, why hello there..

It’s been a long time, but I have my list of excuses prepared.

Mainly, my laptop decided to go to another, better-for-him but not so better-for-me, place. And I started working 12 hour days (travel time is included with that number) 5 days a week. And a bunch of other things.

But here we are in 2013. Out with Otis the laptop and in with Elliot, the shiny new Windows 8 Acer tablet, gifted by my boyfriend who is way too good for me (but don’t tell him that).

You know that saying, ‘in like a lion, out like a lamb’ (it might be the other way around, but let’s just take my word for it here). I really hope that’s the game 2013 is playing with me.

The boy and I got back from our cruise at the beginning of January only to find out he had 3 weeks to find a new place, while going to work, while starting University courses after being out of high school for 10ish years. Poor guy. I tried to help as much as possible, but no sooner did we get the old house ready for rental inspection, did I end up in the hospital for 3 days. To make a long story short, I was on enough morphine not to remember that much of at least 2 days, and they think I have an ulcer (I’m not really 24, I’m a really good looking 80 year old). I have no idea how the boy doesn’t have an ulcer, he was the one under stress! The few weeks after that were a blur of roses, birthdays, family, and the dog-apocalypse (one dog has kidney stones, the other one got stepped on, and the other other one has Cushing’s disease).

I’m definitely ready to meet that ‘lamb’ (but if it was a yelling goat, I wouldn’t be all that disappointed).

That being said, I’m pretty excited for 2013, now that I can finally get the Kairee-show on the road.

Some of the things I’m looking forward to is getting my budget under control (yay full time employment!), getting back into running, and finding an economically feasible way to do yoga.

 

And bake. So much baking.

'Dem shoes

Remember those shoes I was talking about? I think it's time to step into them.

Everything is Perfect

Dust, dirty laundry, gym bags, messy closet, studying on my bed, that's a bra hanging over my laundry basket, broken jewellry box, old perfume, lots and lots of dust, no really.. LOTS of dust, a pair of shoes - probably under some unfolded clothes, cowboy hat, stolen corona bucket, pictures...more dust, and a boomerang from australia (I've never been).

It's all perfect, even when we don't think it is.

It's all Learning

I invite you to accept all of your desires. You have absolutely everything you want right now, right in front of you, but I think most of the time we're to busy worrying about what we don't have, to see that what we want is right in front of us. For some reason, and this goes for myself too, it's easier for us to view the world from a place of lack than one of abundance.

I invite you to get over yourself. We judge ourselves constantly, and we guess that that look that person gave us today had something to do with what we're wearing, or how we're acting. I'm not saying just STOP judging yourself, you're going to do it anyway. Just acknowledge that these are just thoughts passing through, and it's you who gets to decide whether or not you latch onto them or not. YOU get to choose what thoughts identify you. Take what works for you and discard the rest.

I invite you to choose to be happy. It really is a choice. A simple example is traffic. Stuck there? Yup. Anything you can do about it? Nope. So why wear yourself out by thinking about all of the things you have to rush home to, they're still going to be there when you get back. Why not choose this opportunity to catch up on some awesome radio songs. Have your own little dance party in the car.

I invite you to your own vulnerability. I hate being vulnerable, nevermind making myself open to it, that's just not gonna happen. But, it's worth it. People who open themselves up to vulnerability are people who see themselves as worthy. I feel a certain way, and I wan't to ask someone something. But, I'm scared how their answer will affect me, how they'll respond, what they'll think of me.... When I do finally make myself vulnerable, and ask that question (or whatever it is), it's because I feel like I am worth the answer I want. Now, sometimes you don't get what you want even if you are present to your own worth. Sometimes, it's just not gonna happen. You still feel awesome though. You still feel like you were there for yourself.

I invite you to acknowledge the teachers in your life. I like thinking of my relationships in this one. It didn't work out with that guy, but now I know how giving I am. It didn't work out with that guy, but now I know what I'm looking for, and how important it is to talk about how I feel. It didn't work out with that guy, but I did say how I felt, and I did ask all those questions, and now I know that asking them is okay.

The point is this:

Just as you are, you are beautiful, caring, grateful, amazing, abounding, full of life, forgiving, ugly, stupid, insecure, selfish and the most annoying person I could ever hope to know. All of these qualities are in us. The ones that show are the ones that you choose to call up for yourself. We are not perfect, but we can choose to be happy, worthy, grateful, and accepting just as easily as we can choose to be all those other nasty things. It's your choice. This goes for the qualities we see in others, we can choose to see that person as amazing, or we can choose to see them as an asshole. Again, it's still your choice.

So lastly, I invite you to forgive yourself and others. All those regrets, shoulda dones, shouldn't have dones, fails, and failed agains. You're allowed. You're allowed to push people away, make mistakes, fuck up, and do it all over again just for good measure. It's okay. It's important to acknowledge that and move on to other imperfections.

You get to choose.

It's just life, and it's all learning :)

It's fun, I promise

I can't write down what I'm feeling right now, so you need to do me a favour, it will only take a minute.

Smile at your computer screen (don't look somewhere else to do it, just do it)

Crinkle the corners of your eyes

Scrunch your nose

Love how you feel right now

Think of something so awesome that happened today

and now please, for me, laugh and laugh and laugh and laugh.