Have a Little Faith

I love reading borrowed books, and I love lending my favorite books out. People read so differently. I know someone who reads with a highlighter and highlights her favorite sentences. To mark my pages, I use a bookmark I was gifted by a friend that says "Oh my god! I'm wierd in a good way and you're creepy in a good way!" HIGH FIVE (and it's now, years and years later I notice her spelling mistake....but maybe we are a little wierd). It was one of our many revelations over coffee, and one of the many that circles back to the fact that how we're being in that moment is the only way to be. Our moments are perfect, and deserve high fives. I dog ear the bottom of pages to remind me of the things I like, much like my highlighting friend.

The funny thing about this, is that for me, it works like a diary. A book I read and dog-eared 2 years ago would be dog-eared in entirely different places today. Maybe I'm a buddhist reader, the world is neutral and the only thing that exists are our reactions to it...how we interpret things, and that can change if we want it to.

This is something from have a little faith by Mitch Albom that I really liked...

One concerns a farmer who wakes up to find his horse has run off.
The neighbors come by and say, "Too bad. Such awful luck."
The farmer says, "Maybe."
The next day, the horse returns with a few other horses. The neighbors congratulate the farmer on his reversal of fortune.
"Maybe," the farmer says.
When his son tries to ride one of the new horses, he breaks his leg, and the neighbors offer condolences.
"Maybe," the farmer says.
And the next day, when army officials come to draft the son - and don't take him because of his broken leg - everyone is happy.
"Maybe," the farmer says.
I have hears stories like this before. They are beautiful in their simplicity and surrender to the universe. I wonder if I could be attached to something so detached. I don't know. Maybe.

This is so lovely to me. I want to go to India, but the possibility of that happening this May was looking better last week than it is today. I know I'm going to India - I want to see what all the fuss is about, I want immerse myself in it - so, I know I am going. But, I'm attached to how I'm getting there. It HAS to be through my school, it HAS to be this May, it HAS to happen in THIS way. The fact is, most of the things I want to do in India, I could do without ever leaving my house if I really wanted to, so I don't even really HAVE to go to India.

This is why I love reading.

MAYBE I'll go to India, MAYBE it will be this May, MAYBE it will be through school. MAYBE I'll stay home, MAYBE I'll go in February, June, or next year, MAYBE it will be through the time machine in my basement. BUT I will still have 10 days to myself that involve nothing but yoga, indian food, no one to talk to, and lots of time to wander in and out of my own head. Those are my objectives and I'm getting there - that's what I'm attached to. I'm not attached to the 'how' of things and it opens me up to so many more opportunities. I mean, c'mon...a time machine in my basement is a pretty cool way to travel.

Maybe is my new favorite word.

God of Shuffle

........Organic Coast - Hawksley Workman

"And you'll be lucky with that old sexy stocking...they're turning me into a hermaphrodite fish...aquasexual delish...we're refugees to suffer the lost art of imperfection...oh, their tricky, tricky, languages...tonight we're learning how, tonight we're learning how, tonight we're learning how........"

Sounds about right. Maybe.

I love the gods of shuffle, they always know what to play :)







P.S. I stole most of this from this

Happy Place

Thanks to a wonderful yoga instructor, I've been having a few conversations about happy places lately. Where is your happy place? Where you go to in your mind when you need to take a moment, when you're bored, when you need to push yourself a little further....

I've gotten a few interesting answers, but most paint pictures of relaxation, beaches, sunshine, water, and loved ones. One answer, I really liked...my happy place IS that moment when I'm bored, and that moment when I need to push myself a little further, THIS is my happy place...why would I ever leave?

AWESOME. 100%.

In my happy place, I'm wearing this dress:


dancing down the street (any street, all streets) with all the amazing people in my life, singing this song.

My happy place is a circus, and it's pretty great.

But, as the 100% awesome answer above, I invite you to create today as your happy place. Choose to be happy in everything you do today, it's your happy place - create it that way.

Losing my shit

It's so awesome how the little things can get you to do big things.

I was returned my gym bag today by a lovely lady who would prefer it if I were "Carrie" instead of "Kairee", but really she can call me anything she wants. Since I got it back, I actually organized it.

A friend, someone who I am super grateful to know and happy that she is part of the 'family I choose', posted a game thinger on her tumblr . My life would be defined if I flipped to a sentence in a book. Mine said Clear your desk. That's all. So, I did, and I feel like I love right now a little bit more.

My horoscope says:

The nature of the game is changing. Do you know which game I'm referring to? I mean the one that everyone's playing but no one's acknowledging they're playing. The rules of the game had held steady for quite some time, but recently they began to shift. Now even the game's rewards are in the process of metamorphosing. My advice? You don't necessarily need to splash a big dose of raw candor all over the place, but I do recommend that you at least tell yourself the truth about what's going on.

and I say:

IT'S ABOUT FREAKIN' TIME!!

P.S. I'm really happy that my favorite pair of underwear has been returned to the safe, warm, embrace of my....underwear drawer. Like I said, the simple things.

What's really gone?

I lost my ipod last week. I wonder if it was some sort of karmic retribution for either doing or not doing something. Either way, the message was lost in translation.

Everytime I lose something, I ask myself what is really lost? I have a back-up ipod. The mini-van of my newly misplaced cadillac. It does it's job most of the time. It gives me something to concentrate on at the gym and something to fall asleep to on the bus. It serves it's purpose - so what am I missing?

I'm missing constant access to my email, your facebook page, horoscopes, and dan savage, but I can live without instant gratification.

I did realize that each of my ipods and each of my ex-boyfriends seemed to have similar shelf lives though. My mini-van's windshield is cracked, and once you turn it on it won't shut off until the battery is dead, and even that sounds eerily familiar. It was a good 4 years. And the cadillac...I was kind of hoping it would last longer than it did, but again, what's really lost? I can't help but think that the next time I go to the apple store that I'll really be shopping for a new boyfriend. I'm content without having the newest model though, I'm not really feeling all this "face-time" stuff. There's something to be said about silence.

However, at the time I lost my ipod I was involved in a very intense game of words with friends with a lovely lady who grew up in the former USSR but is now living in California after a brief stint in Canada. She made her kids' costumes for halloween, and I never got to ask how it went. For the record though, I was about to play "fictions" for 111 points.

If my friends thought I was losing my shit last year around this time, let me tell you, 2010 is just as interesting. I left my gym-bag on the bus today. Goodbye hairdryer, straightener, perfect shoes and my favorite pair of underwear. I am getting all of that back, but it just begs me to ask the question again - what am I missing? Nothing really! I'm only slightly serious, I really would miss that pair of undies.

Maybe I'm just supposed to be thankful for what I have right now. Comfortable in the silence, not in need of luxury. And I am, it's kind of awesome.