Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Not really being that present


I got up at 4 a.m today, so I could study for the exam-related hell that awaits me at 8 a.m., so I could print off the study notes off of Blackboard, that I didn't print off last night...so I could go to bed at 8 p.m....so I could get up at 4 a.m.

And why do it at 4am instead of 8pm? Because I am disenchanted with my education right now. I'm ready to be done, to be outta here, to get on with 'it'. I fail to see how one more group project, one more paper, one more class that's eerily similar to the last 8 classes, is going to make me a better manager. It's about experience, but I don't think controlled experience is actually experience. I feel like I'm 3 years old again and screaming at my mom, "I CAN BLOODY WELL DO IT BY MYSELF" I feel like I could save the world but school isn't letting me.

I feel like writing 45% of my grade in one day is ridiculous, especially when I'm writing for profs who have admitted that I am not their priority. Yet, they're my priority. Yet, they're teaching me that whent there's a misalignment of priorities, there are issues.

I'd rather be planning my trip to India, because that's experience. Because that will make me a better me. I'd rather be changing into my running gear or grabbing my yoga mat. I'd rather spend the day watching TEDTalks and talking about it with friends. I'd rather be finding a way to get to the Leaders causing Leaders conference, because I think it would be a better use of my time instead of regurgitating redundant information on a peice of paper.

That's why I didn't print my notes off of blackboard last night. Because you can't study like that. I woke up this morning, decided that today was the best day ever. That I will write the best exams ever, because this is the best day ever.

And blackboard is down. I can't print my notes, and I somehow feel that this is a karmic fuck-you since I internally bashed a service I'm being provided with, that probably will help me in the future, so much last night.

However, it was decided 2 hours ago that this is the best day ever, and I am so awesome that I don't actually need to study for my exams. Ye-ah. That's right!

I am still a little pissy about it all though. The 3 year old needs a nap.

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